The wait

I think the worse part of the experience for me was the wait between the surgery and the appointment with my consultant. Since my tumour was removable, the biopsy was taken from the removed tumour and I was going to find out my grade. I knew the stats, how likely it was to be cancerous, grade 2 or grade one and I knew what each meant but I had very little idea of which it would be.
They know very little about what causes a brain tumour or how fast they grow since many can stop and start a number of times but mine was BIG and for those ten days my anxiety was through the roof. We all hoped for a grade 1, of course, but myself and my partner were less hopeful.
I was scared to sleep, fearing I wouldn't wake up, I had panic attacked where I couldn't breath and would burst into tears at random times and even though I was told to rest, it was impossible. I was prescribed antidepressants for health anxiety and tried to focus on the steps between the surgery and the results of the biopsy but it was difficult. I was still struggling to move about by myself, my head was swollen and sore and my words were muddled. I found it hard to even watch TV thanks to the stigma the tumour had caused in my eye and the swelling not allowing me to wear my glasses for too long!
One of the things I found most useful was the Headspace app, the meditation it teaches really helped but it's hard to explain how; it isn't instant, just at some point down the line you realise it has been helping and that gives you such relief! You can get the full app at a reduced price if you register with https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/ and I would recommend it as a small way of getting some control back to your life.
In the end, it was a Grade 2, the rarest of the three but not the worse for which we were grateful. There is something like a 33% chance of re-occurrence but they took everything they could so I have the yearly scans and keep my fingers crossed, it's all I can do.
I was offered radiotherapy for any cells that may have broken away but it was impossible for them to know and radiotherapy has it's own side-effects which, in my case, didn't warrant the treatment.
Everyone is different the decisions are hard every step of the way but there is so much help out there, even a hug when you're crying because you just don't know can mean the world.